Heartbeat XII: The Worries of the Wife
There are two things the average wife is worried about throughout her life. She is worried about her mother-in-law being the wicked witch and her husband passing away. Both of these really emotional situations are used for us to spiritually progress. What can the mother-in-law spiritually represent? The Illusion of Maya... making us separated from our Beloved-Husband:
ਸਾਸੁ ਬੁਰੀ ਘਰਿ ਵਾਸੁ ਨ ਦੇਵੈ ਪਿਰ ਸਿਉ ਮਿਲਣ ਨ ਦੇਇ ਬੁਰੀ ॥
Saas[u] Buree Ghar[i] Vaas[u] na Dhaevai, Pir Sio[u] MilaN na Dhae[i] Buree
My mother-in-law is horrible, she does not my home flourish,
She does not let me meet my Beloved-Husband, She is horrible!
ਸਖੀ ਸਾਜਨੀ ਕੇ ਹਉ ਚਰਨ ਸਰੇਵਉ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਰ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਤੇ ਨਦਰਿ ਧਰੀ ॥੨॥
Sakhee Saajnee Kae Ho[u] Charan Saraevo[u] Har[i] Gur Kirpaa Thae nadhar[i] Dhharee
I serve the feet of the real friends then through Vaheguru's Blessings I am bestowed the Divine Glance.
(Dhan Dhan Guru Nanak Dev Sahib Ji in Raag Aasaa, Ang 355)
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The worrying wife's monologue:
'How can I explain how strong the separation is between me & my Beloved? The evil Maya ਸੱਸ (Sus ~ mother-in-law) creates plots – day and night – to keep us away from each other. How can she be so cruel? She wants to kick me out of my Own Home! It is my right as a wife to be with my Husband but she wants to take it away from me! My Beloved-Husband comes to save me. He tells me about the secrets of her ways and how to not fall in her traps. Now, I sleep peacefully in my Husband’s Bed… the villain ਸੱਸ/Sus has given up and now she works to keep us together. Understand what Maya is and you will not see her as a threat. I don’t give her attention and she does not hurt me anymore. I was made to be a Noble Wife and a dutiful daughter-in-law… I am content in this little household'.
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This game of spirituality requires us to listen to the Beloved in order to look past the Illusory-Maya. If we understand more about the nature of Maya, the less we can fall under attack from the 5 vices which takes us away from our Beloved. The mother-in-law is materialistic and temporary so know this and never feel attacked by her ways.
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Now, the wife's worry is that the Beloved will pass away. This worry is only for the worldly bride. The one who puts hopes in their physical spouse. Maintaining responsibility as a wife and a mother but remaining detached from this world. Everyone is a traveller, here today and gone tomorrow... The wife realizes this and transcends this. Her family members are introduced to the reality of this world. Her children are awakened to the truth.
ਸਾ ਧਨ ਰੰਡ ਨ ਬੈਸਈ ਜੇ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਮਾਹਿ ਸਮਾਇ ॥
Saa Dhhan Ra[n]d na Baisa-ee Jae Sathigur Maah[i] Samaae[i]
That bride will never become a widow, if she becomes absorbed into Guru Sahib
ਪਿਰੁ ਰੀਸਾਲੂ ਨਉਤਨੋ ਸਾਚਉ ਮਰੈ ਨ ਜਾਇ ॥
Pir[u] Reesaaloo Nouthano Saacho[u] Marai na Jaae[i]
Her Beloved-Husband is Blissful and ever-new, will never die
ਨਿਤ ਰਵੈ ਸੋਹਾਗਣੀ ਸਾਚੀ ਨਦਰਿ ਰਜਾਇ ॥੪॥
nith Ravai SohaagaNee Saachee nadhar[i] Rajaae[i]
The Good Bride is enjoyed everyday when she is blessed with the Divine Glance of Hukam
(Dhan Dhan Guru Nanak Dev Sahib Ji Maharaj in Raag Aasaa, Ang 53)
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How do we understand this with further depth? Imagine a relationship without having to say ‘Till Death Do Us Apart’. This phrase is used by Christians to represent their commitment to stay together while in this physical realm until one of them passes away. Everything in this temporary realm has an expiry date. You have faced enough pain by emotionally investing in others... only to have them rip the band-aid off as a means to detach. Falling in love with a traveller will only leave you emptyhanded.
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The Awakened Bride's Dialogue:
'The Beloved does not die. The Beloved does not leave. The Beloved takes me as I am. The Beloved made me who I am. The Beloved wipes my tears. The Beloved holds me tight and gives me words of confidence. Why should I go to anyone else? I am unfaithful even after being given so much. I still end up wandering away from The Beloved’s Home. No matter what, The Beloved always leaves the door open for me to come back in & forgives me. Who else can compare to such a Husband? I am nothing without You. I have Everything because of You. Dhan Guru Nanak'.
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Such a fierce wife is not made without emotional hardship. She has to face the mother-in-law and go through her torture before becoming relinquished from it. (Don't apply this to worldly relationships, seek help if you are in a state like this!) She has to go through detachment from the physical people in order to be awakened to the Eternal Husband. We understand the journeying-soul to be female through this analogy of the wife.
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